Audio for Pastor's Wives

Recently at the 2009 Sovereign Grace Pastor's Conference two seminars were given for pastor's wives that are worth listening to.

• The Pastor’s Wife and Culture: What Feminism Has Done to Femininity by Carolyn McCulley.
• The Pastor’s Wife and Ministry Opportunities: Five Great Deals She Won’t Want to Miss by Carolyn Mahaney.

Mentoring & Ministry Wives

I've been meaning to link to Connie Dever's article, The Pastor's Wife: Position or Juxtaposition for a while now, but busyness has prevented me! My husband had the privilege of meeting Connie and Mark Dever a few months ago when he was out visiting their church. While on the hunt for some good books for himself he was also keen to get a hold of a few resources for me on being a pastor's wife (since, in my estimation there are too few good books on the subject). Connie Dever kindly gave Colin a copy of One With A Shepherd and also a copy of her study guide, Juxtaposition which is a more than useful resource to "help other pastors' wives and their husbands to glorify God by being more closely connected to him, to each other, to their families, and to the brothers and sisters in their churches". 9 Marks and Connie Dever have been gracious enough to share this material here. I pray that if you are a pastor's wife with the opportunity to mentor a new, or soon to be pastor's wife you might use this excellent resource as I plan to.

Contentment at Home or Away

Being apart for the gospel is something that God is graciously using to teach me a lot about my sinful self and my need of Him these days. I'm continually challenged in my attitude and actions when my husband requires an extra evening to work or takes a few days away on a ministry trip. For some this might not seem like too much of a sacrifice, but for my husband and I, we have always worked closely together and rarely been apart - we met at bible college and studied together while dating and on into our first two years of marriage. Being apart is relatively new for both of us. To go from being in each others pockets (and loving it) to spending more time apart than together was not something we really prepared for. It was not something we gave any thought to.

Therefore, I'm always on the lookout for some helpful advice and godly examples to whom I can turn and be encouraged. I have this little book which I pick up from time to time which provides me with encouragement from God's Word and reassurance from ministry wives who have been there. Lisa Ryken has a short thought on being content whether your husband is at home or away. Readign words such as these not only bring rebuke, but comfort knowing that even the godliest women we know have been there. She writes:

My mother, a very godly woman, gave me wonderful advice when she said, "be content when he is at home and be content when he is away." This is an echo of Paul's exhortation in Philippians 4:11 to be content "whatever the circumstances." It's easy to become resentful and angry and then bitter with your husband - and with God - because of his work. When he has to make a hospital call or conduct an unexpected funeral, or when his sermon preparation takes longer than usual, do I respond with cheerful contentment or with grudging tolerance? One of my jobs as my husband's helper is to encourage him in his work.

What do I say to our children when they ask, "Where's Daddy?" My attitude usually determines how my children respond. If I'm angry about my husband's Saturday morning meeting, then my children are sure to be angry that Daddy can't be home to play with them. To be a godly mother and role model I need to respond to my children cheerfully. Instead of getting upset that my husband needs to go back to the office, I must pray that his work will be productive and joyful. This helps me to be content, to have a godly attitude, and to love my husband and his work.

Courage under adversity

As you will know if you read this blog, from time to time we look to women from the past to see what we can learn from their example. I've recently been reading a book written in 1884 (I do read modern books too!) called Annals of the Disruption. This is a detailed account of the Disruption of the Church of Scotland which occured in 1843 and resulted in the formation of the Free Church of Scotland. You can find out more about this here, but briefly summarised, the Disruption was the breaking away of a group of ministers from the established Church of Scotland. The reasons for this were centred around the headship of the church, with those breaking away fighting for Christ to be given his true place at the head of the church.

Breaking from the established Church of Scotland had great consequences for those ministers involved as they forfeited their salaries, church buildings and the manses they lived in. One minister's wife from the time, Mrs Parker of Lesmahagow wrote of the difficulties faced by the ministers' families, and her own situation:

So far as I can judge,...the Church in her present struggles is doing no more than her duty to her great Head;...No one values more than I do my present comforts, and few are less qualified for making sacrifices and enduring hardships, and sometimes my very heart is sore when I look at my dear children; but I trust that God in His providence may prepare a place for us - a sphere of duty where my dearest husband may exercise those gifts with which God has endowed him.

Although our circumstances are probably not so dramatic today, still God can call us out of comfort and into hardship. I pray that, like Mrs Parker, we can trust our future to God's guiding hand, where ever he may lead.

Apart for the Gospel

Perhaps many of you will resonate with this article when your spouse has the opportunity to attend a Christian conference, or even his pastoral work takes him away from home for a few days. Often, in my own experience I struggle when my husband heads off for the weekend with work, or takes some time away to attend a pastor's retreat or conference. I pretty much, all of the time, get quite negative, withdraw into myself and begin to feel the weight of being home with three kids on my own.

Although I know that my husband and others are profiting immensely from their time away, sadly I'm not focused on seeing this as a time of potential for gospel living and growing while we're apart. Unfortunately I'll all too often find myself battling resentment, that yet again it's not my chance to get away. Apart for the Gospel reminded me that in times like these, this is my opportunity to show forth the gospel in a unique way.

HT: Girltalk

Ministry Wives #1

My husband just returned from one of the 9Marks Weekenders at Capitol Hill Baptist. He learnt so much, and since his return, so have I. He brought me a few books back, books that I sense will be invaluable. I've already made good headway with two of them. Here's a quote from Mary Somerville's, One with a Shepherd: The Tears & Triumphs of a Ministry Marriage, something that I, as well as others, need to be mindful of.

Scripture does not give a job description for the wife of a man in ministry. So how do we know what God expects from us? What is our role? Paul gives us some character qualifications that are necessary for a deaconess or wives of deacons. "Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things" (1 Tim. 3:11). As wives of men in ministry, you and I must be sure that we have this kind of exemplary character...our calling is exactly the same as that of every other woman in the church - to be a godly woman, wife, mother, and a faithful member of the body of Christ...

...The role of a wife of a man in ministry is no different than any other exemplary woman in the church... Keep in mind that you are not on a pedestal because of your position as the wife of a man in ministry. You and I are sinners saved by His matchless grace, not having to prove anything in ourselves.