Tuesday, March 20, 2007

1st Baby, 2nd Baby, 3rd Baby!

Knowing I'm expecting my third baby in June, my good friend Kim sent me this funny for the day! It's been circulating across the pond and so I've included a translation, where appropriate, for all our British readers :)

Birth Order of Children:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time - breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.


The Layette/Baby Clothing:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, colour-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to wind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier/Dummy:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering/Nappy Changing:

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins:

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his allowance.

3 comments:

ann_in_grace said...

Thank goodness I have stopped at two.
The third one would have it tough :)

There is some truth to it...

Sarah said...

That's great! I've always promised myself that I won't be one of "those" first-time moms but I am sure I will when it's my turn since it seems to be just a part of life! Having had 3 younger brothers, 2 much younger than me, this is hilarious in its truth. I was just remembering how we used to just pick up the pacifier off the floor, suck on it really quick and stick back in baby's mouth - if they were lucky! They turned out alright...

I love the coin and allowance deduction! hehe Thanks for the laugh - much appreciated!

-Sarah D
http://www.rmfo-blogs.com/sarahjane

Chandra said...

That is hilarious!! I am so glad I came across your site. I have four beautiful children and while each one is an incredible gift, I have certainly relaxed in my parenting.